you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
