I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
