can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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