Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
