that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
