I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
