There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
