How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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