CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
