Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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