Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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