My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
