i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
