weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
