Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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