Rock
Scissors
Fuck
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
