You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
