Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
