im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
