So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
