yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
