if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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