Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
