I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
