I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
