Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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