Nicole vs. Life
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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