and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
