this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I still have a little drunk in my system
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
