East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
