I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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