In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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