you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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