You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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