you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
