you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
