SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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