New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
