Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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