my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
