There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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