dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
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New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
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What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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