So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
