so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
