tell your sister to shave her snatch
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
