If i could tip my vagina, i would.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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