my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
He has the fingertips of a God
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