does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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