I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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