I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
