some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
