Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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