no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
