The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
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She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
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The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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