...so i touched it.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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