I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
