Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
