living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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