Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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