you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
