I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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