I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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