she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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