apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
