I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
