do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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