i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
