weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
we made out on top of his cat.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
