The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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