all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
