She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
