I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
