when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
