i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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