just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
