You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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