You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
