butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
