What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
