first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
