yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
